His Smile. His Dimples. His Voice. His Words. Him. He'll be mine. I look at him each time we see and I have a trillion reasons why we should be together. My Heart. My World. Him. I miss him terribly already, he's in spain for a few weeks and I feel kinda suffocated. This isn't the first time I won't see him for a while but its the idea of the distance between us that makes it all hard to take in. His Smile. My Joy. A few weeks ago I said "I love you". He choked. He will be mine. The pain is not so much anymore, we get closer with each conversation we have. He has a way of making me feel like I'm his world but then he's that kind of person. He knows how to make you the definition of the word special. I'm not speaking for other girls, I'm speaking for me and I love him. He told me he has feelings for me again, I should be excited but what is the point if he can't be my one and only.
We conversate everyday and he tells me everything he's been up to and the lousy hoes he's been into. I feel the power of envy trying to take over me but I love my friendship with him, if I'm not the girl in his heart, I'll be the girl he pours it to. The girl he trusts with his life and can cry to when other girls aren't priviledged to see him weak. I'll be his rock and his unidentified soul mate. Still it'd be nice to be his special one, the one he calls and says "I love you,baby", the one he wants to build a future with...He'll be back soon and I'll make sure I'll show him what he's missing if he doesn't make me his missus.
Shad's Perspective:
Tanya. She's all I can think about. What on earth is this? I'm in Spain,I got a Basketball tournament but then I'll be here for a while- a few weeks maybe. A few weeks without seeing her. Not cos I can't live without her...I can..Its just weird being so far away from her. I get to talk to her everyday and I guess that keeps me sane. I feel bad about a lot of things I do these days but I feel better when I talk to her. I don't judge myself so much anymore. For example, I told her about the girl that liked my dimples and I asked if I could enter her dimple ;) and she agreed. I've come to accept my fate now..I feel a lot for her....more than I ever thought I could feel. I wake up every morning with her on my mind and I go to bed with her name in my heart. I talk to other chicks and I feel funny, like I shouldn't be. Maybe I feel guilty that she loves me...or maybe I like the idea of being with her. The only tricky thing is..I do want to be with her. I just can't bring myself to tell her. I don't want to hurt her but I will. I don't ever want to see her cry but I'll be the cause of her tears. I don't want to be the guy who loses a precious person like Tanya forever because he's a retarded jerk. I want her in my life...maybe forever. I want to be the guy who's ready to beat the hell out that douche that tries to mess with her, I want to be the reason she would want a son. I want to be the guy that she can lay on my chest anytime and not because I've had a taste of hers. I want to be her soldier and her undeserving soulmate. Still, it'd be nice to have a girl I can call mine. I want to get jealous when other guys appreciate the beauty that is her body and smile proudly when her middle finger rises to rep my territory- I want Tanya.
I'll be out of here soon, and maybe I'll make an attempt to face my fears and step up and be a man.
@shayograss on twitter
Commments to shayo.grass@gmail.com
Xx
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