I'd Like To Be A Bus Conductor For A Day

Hey guys...its been a while (well not really). As some of you may know, I'm in Nigeria right now LoL and one of my many "adventures" required me to enter a bus (don't try this without a raw Nigerian as a guide) and we were in traffic (two hour non moving traffic) I got inspired to write this. Its pretty ordinary but I hope y'all like it.

P.S; WL Interviews Vol 4 is coming soon!!!

I'd like to be a bus conductor for a day
So I can live life freely and be as I please
I'd like to be able to shout randomly at people and cuss at the top of my lungs
I'd like to short change people and hope they don't mind, and if they do, I'll just threaten to injure them "masslessly" (mercilessly)
I'd like to start a worldwide trend of eu de naturalle and stay reeking all day everyday- the best part of it would be when I stretch my arm (esp my armpit) over clean looking people and mesmerize their nostrils with my aura #BossTings
I'd like to mispronounce words especially names of places not because I'm stupid (I'm really not,I can do quick maths quite quickly) but because I'm too ignorant to educate myself plus everyone else say it like that too
I'd like to hit pretty girls on the butt as my vehicle drives close enough to them but quickly enough for their reflex to not even think about trying to do anything about it
I'd like to get REALLy rude to the passengers and they wouldn't do anything cos well..I'm a conductor and most smart people know not to interact or converse with me- but then I'd get the occasional fools who would want to put me in my place and come out with come backs but then I'd win anyway cos well...its my damn bus
I'd like to be responsible for people who are going from A to B- shouting at them to enter my bus just seems like it'd be such a rush...
Lastly,I'd like to be a bus conductor for a day because its a job most Nigerians don't wanna end up doing but its one of the only jobs in the world that guarantees experiencing something new everyday plus I get to chat up a new girl everyday and I don't have to call them back, not just cause they'd never give me their number but because its the only time I can say small talk is fun.
Afterall, its only gonna be for a day....

Please comment or send me a request at shayo.grass@gmail.com
@shayograss on twitter

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