Diary of a troubled 18 or 19 year old

Please read this blog with an open mind- understand it, reflect on it- BE INSPIRED

"No but seriously, why me? what did I do to ANYBODY? why is it always me that gets in trouble like this?am I the only one in the world?

Is it possible for someone to decide to change from their old ways - people don't buy it. Now I definitely have no hope cos I'm pregnant- I am 18, 19 in two months and I'm pregnant, not sure who the father is.

I told my parents yesterday, my mother looked at me and kissed her teeth and said "I thought you were going to say something shocking- find a way to get rid of the bastard" -got up and left the room. My father looked at me and said "I don't know where your mother found you and said you're mine". This is the same guy who used to call me his "personal little princess", the same guy who, when I told him about a boy who teased me in class, hugged me and said "no one is worth your tears, I'll always be your best boy"

I realised fully that I'm not normal when I felt nothing at my mother's remark or my father's attempt to kill my heart

What do they want? AFTER ALL, I spent most of my teenage years trying to figure out what they meant when they said stuff like "stupid girl that can't close her legs" "idiot, all you know is boys" if they said it so much when I wasn't even doing it, surely, it must be what they want, right?

I'm so confused. I tried to tell my best friend a few minutes ago and she said "I can't be seen hanging out with a whore". She was always there for me when I inherited all of that money from my grandma, she helped me spend wisely- I don't know what changed- she has always known me to be who I am.

I am just in my first year of Uni, I won't be able to continue when this baby inside me starts to grow

I will not abort- this child will be my companion- someone who will actually love me and look up to me"

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Why you? cos you're going to be a great person, that is why you're able to realise that you need to change. YES it's possible. What you need to do though , is not keep saying you want to change and keep doing the same things.

Baby momma/daddy syndrome, unfortunately, is one of our generation's weaknesses- it is also unfortunate that you're one of them but you need to LEARN from your mistake.

Your "best friend" was never a friend- you want to know what changed? your circumstance. A friend is there no matter how poopy a situation gets and they still tell you they love you in the midst of telling you off (not judging you)

No matter what your parents say/said to you, you don't need to let it make who you are. Not everybody that talks need to be listened to- they DO care and they are angry (what parents would not be?) but what happens after this depends on you. You need to start showing some maturity, you have a child coming, it means you have A LOT of growing up to do. Maybe then they'd take you seriously.

I say this not because of what you've done in the past but your reason for not aborting is not valid enough- you need too grow past the stage of looking out for YOU. You want to bring a child into the world to come and love YOU? How selfish, Answer this, at the moment, do YOU love you? Learn to do that and then think about why you won't abort again- I promise you your reason will be different, it's like stepping on egg shells because you don't want your child to go through what you went through as a teenager- you say your biggest mistake was coming into this world (even though you had no say in that) my advise to you is to make sure your child doesn't say the same thing in 18 years too.

Stay healthy and be good- speak to your parents, they DO love you. Trust me